Bon appétit.

When I used to watch cartoons as a little kid I used to see the food cartoon characters ate as really delicious-looking. Like, I wanted to try eating exactly what they ate to get that orgasmic effect they depicted on the screen.

Take Winnie the Pooh for example. The way he rolls around with that damn pot of "hunny" slurping loudly and going "yum yum" every two seconds.

Look at that tasty shit.

So naturally, being the annoying kid with the mullet I was, I begged my mom to let me try some honey. My first impression was that it looked nothing like in the cartoon. Real honey's like, transparent-y gold, while the animated version is obviously a plain shade of yellowish gold. But that didn't stop me. I grabbed a spoon, dunked it in the jar and rammed it in my mouth.

I gagged. Ran to the toilet. And threw up. I was so disappointed that I never looked at Winnie the Pooh again without thinking about what a betraying bastard he was.

Another example was the great Bugs Bunny. Those carrots looked so crunchy and delicious that Warner Brothers made them look like Cheetos rather than carrots. I grabbed a carrot from the fridge and bit off a large chunk.

Mmm dirt. The taste of soil still haunts me to this day.

Definitely not Cheetos.

There were times in other cartoons where the character would simply suck clean the meat from a drumstick. In real life you get all that nasty shit with the veins and goo and whatnot. A juicy steak never portrayed the annoyances of the outer fat. Everything from vegetables to meat to fruit looks a lot more delicious when it's animated.

Parents are always upset with their children for not eating their greens. Well, I say blame the cartoons for tricking these kids and leaving them with permanent childhood disappointment which only subsides after ten years when you finally decide to put the past behind you and try to eat your broccoli.