Reading between the lines.

Everybody knows the show South Park as that cheaply made cartoon, with the racist fat kid and that Kenny kid that dies all the time, which uses satire and dark humour to support their story-lines. The truth is, Trey Parker and Matt Stone offer us more useful life lessons than we'd ever learn in school or at home.

Sometimes the message is straightforward at the end of the episode when Kyle says "I've learned something today", and the main reason such lessons are taught through this controversial show and not through school is because a lot of the topics in question are, well, controversial. But we have to learn these things sooner or later right? Teachers and parents alike try to avoid them altogether and that's okay to a point, when children are still young and not mature enough to understand certain things. But sooner or later everyone's going to encounter controversy in life, and this has to be dealt with, with preparation through teaching. It is important to note that Matt and Trey are obviously not your average student councilors and they're not in the entertainment business mainly for teaching, but for us to laugh at Kanye West making love to a fish and feel bad for Oprah Winfrey's snitch.

Topics the show should be given credit for giving good points on include:

• Homosexuality tolerance ( "Big Gay Al's Big Gay Boat Ride" and "Cartman Sucks")
• Giving people with disabilities unnecessarily embarassing and excessive limelight ("Conjoined Fetus Lady" and "Freak Strike")
• Oppressive Christianity ("Fantastic Easter Special" and "Cartman Sucks")
• People who claim they are psychic and can talk to the dead are doing more harm than good to people who have lost loved ones ("The Biggest Douche in the Universe")
• No matter who you vote for, you're going to be screwed one way or another ("Douche and Turd")
• Paris Hilton is an overrated good-for-nothing spoiled whore ("Stupid Spoiled Whore Video Playset")
• Most peace-promoters don't really do anything but group up and talk about peace without actually doing anything productive ("Die Hippie, Die)
• If a cure for HIV were actually found, it would probably only be available to people who could afford it and a lot of less fortunate people from poorer countries would die anyway ("Tonsil Trouble")

and so on. While I wouldn't recommend buying the complete South Park DVD box set for your 5-year-old, I will say that he'll still watch it online eventually and say "Hey, those guys have a point there!"

For Mr. Stone and Mr. Parker, class is still in session.

Berets and Baguettes.

Step 1: Go on Google.
Step 2: Type "French military victories".
Step 3: Click on "I'm feeling lucky".
Step 4: Click the link you're provided with.
Step 5: Say to yourself, "Hey, Malta wasn't that bad after all."

I wonder why Russell Peters never mentions the French. Or maybe he does. Time for some YouTube.

Here's a round for everyone.

So in Russell Peters' new DVD "Red, White & Brown", he passes a joke about how white people show that they're not cheap by buying everyone a beer.

He made such a good point by it that it makes me just want to say, You know what? I'm cheap, fuck off, I'm not buying the whole damn place a beer. It's not that I'm not nice, I'm just cheap. You can buy me a drink, I'll appreciate it, but don't expect me to buy you one right after.

If you're one of my best friends or my girlfriend, sure I'll get you a drink or two, but if I pass by a table of eight, six, or even four, don't even think about it. And let me tell you why, it's because I really feel that everyone does it so that they don't look cheap.

Well guess what. I'm cheap and I don't need to prove otherwise to anyone. Deal with it.

Laughter is the best medicine.

Whenever you feel like shit, nothing beats a nice long laugh. It really helps when you stay focused on something funny for a long time. Chances are, your mood will practically fully change for the better after an hour or two of hilariousness.

That's why I say, if you feel down, watch stand up comedy. Rent a comedian's DVD, someone well known. Jeff Dunham and Lee Evans work wonders for me. Jeff's Christmas Special is quite popular, obviously, at this time of year. Lee has a couple of great performances which can be found in their entirety on YouTube. His facial expressions, accents and movement are all gold.

If you don't feel better after, well, eat a giant container of ice cream and watch soap operas in your underwear and cry a lot.